Kodomo no Jikan OVA: ITT we're confronted by Chris Hansen

[Two-twenty]

I didn't want to watch this, hell, it depresses me to no end that it even exists, but in lieu of watching the actual television series, I downloaded and watched this one episode OVA. "We watch bad anime so you don't have to". God damn that motto. God damn it to hell.

* sigh *

Here we go.

_____________________________________________

Twelve seconds into this show and already my face is buried so hard into the palms of my hands my nose starts to hurt. Apparently, for nine year olds, likening licking melting ice-cream to licking ejaculate is funny. Kill me now.

I brace myself for the incoming opening theme, and OH GOD, it's everything I expected it to be; a squeaky J-pop vocalist babbling about love blasted over the top of synthesized garbage. And shit like this. Ugh.

Our three main characters include (from left to right) brainless moeblob Mimi, pathetic lolicon's fantasy Rin, and going to be shuned by Japanese society when she comes out of the closet in 5 years time as a confused teenager Kuro. They are at a department store looking at a book of charms. Kuro thinks it's a load of crap, but is miraculously and hilariously* turned around on the subject when she realises there are love charms. She is also apparently very rich.

Also, sexual innuendo is really cute! KEKEKEKEKE! :3**

They are at the department store to buy a present for their teacher. Cue flashback.

Previously, they were invading school property after hours in order to find their teacher's confidential and highly descriptive heath charts in order to find out his penis size. Teacher predictably finds them and they split. Also, this. Ugh.

Back to the department store and we get a half-naked Rin in purple adult-looking panties saying "Your present is right here". somehow, this character's present to her teacher is buying sexy underwear for herself. Ugh. Also, I'm not linking to it. I'm not having any image like that on any webspace connected to my name.

Next, we have the only semblence of characterisation in the entire anime. Basically, Mimi goes shopping for a bra, gets teased by some bitchy women and Rin comes to the rescue. This might even be halfway believable if it weren't so hard to belive that a nine year old somehow has the maturity to deal with the passive-agreesive taunts of two fully grown women.

Blah, blah, blah, they play some games, shop for neckties, blah, blah, blah, Christ, this is boring. Basically the whole show up to this point has been a complete waste of time because they end up going to Rin's house to make shit. This pleases Haru to no end and as a result has some UBER KAWAIII =^O^= FANTASIES**

At Rin's house, this latent paedophile slick young man enters. He is Rin's guardian and older brother Reiji. They have no parents, they're dead, because every main character needs a cliched backstory in order to give them * snort * depth. Mimi instantly falls in love with him. When he gives them food, Mimi touches the big-brother's hand as he passes her milk and it spills all over her in a fashion not unlike bukkake hentai and destroys Rin's painting. Ugh.

At this point, I'm going to have to tone down on the screencaps for two reasons:
a) I don't think Photobucket or the AA allows this kind of thing on their websites (despite the lack of actual nipples or genitals)
b) I can only go on about a bad anime so long before even I get bored with it.

Basically, they hop in the bath and there's loads and loads of lolicon fanservice. They wash each other and put their hair between their legs to immitate pubic hair**. Rin calls Reiji in to bring them shampoo, Mimi gets embarrassed. Next the hop out of the bath, Haru is overjoyed that she gets to wear Rin's shirt, Mimi is overjoyed once she has Rin's far-too-small-and-revealing shirt exchanged for one of Reiji's. They eat dinner, go to bed, Rin gets a good-night kiss from Reiji, Mimi later asks Haru about Rin and Reiji's relationship and Rin babbles about how much he loves her sensei. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Pedo shit aside, this is really, really goddamned boring.

When every one is asleep, Rin finishes off her new painting and thinks about her love for her teacher. They don't bother to tell us what the "many things" that this teacher does actually are, but hey, that doesn't matter, right? It's the feelings that matter***. Maybe some character should tell this girl that reciprocating appreciation with sexual attraction is a really shallow and fscked up way for a nine year old to expess feelings. Seriously, a painting will do, slobering all over him will get him fired, wanting him to think she is sexually attractive raises all sorts of questions about her upbringing. But hay, it's totally not pedo when it's the child character is instigating the come-ons, if it were the other way around it would be a different story, but this way, it's fine****. And furthermore, this is not going to go into that much depth, this is promotional OVA used to lure in potential viewers because the content was "not suitable for TV", all it is is a cute** and funny* romp with a fair dose of fanservice**, nothing more.

F^ck this show. Seriously.

To finish off, at school Rin does some more crap that could get her teacher fired which leads into another garbage theme song, bombarded with questionable manga panels (as if you didn't need more reminding about what this anime's main draw/target demographic was). The end.

I can't believe I watched that. Twice.

* right click *
* delete *

(Just so I have this right, this is a seperate OVA that won't be featured in the actual TV series correct? Because if so, I can give this a ridiculously bad review and hopefully get a tonne of brainless hate mail for it).

In before shitstorm.

______________________________

* Not actually funny in any way shape or form
** Not cute. Real damned creepy.
*** No, it does actually matter
**** Totally not okay. Still really damned creepy.
















































































"What did you just read? I know you read it. You even clicked on the images. Don't try to deny it, I've got the paper trail right here in my hands"

[Niner]

I see you Aussies get to 'To Catch a Predator' down there too. xD

This show sounds uber-awesome and cute and kawaaaaaiiiiiii so i think i'll watch yes ^________________________^

[Barrelhaven]

Looks like some good, clean, innocent fun. Thanks for the recommendation.

[KiraraKim]

At first when I saw this post I was going to cry that Two Twenty because a loli fan. I am glad the post was negative. It gives me faith in the world again.

[Two-twenty]

Originally Posted by KiraraKim

Two Twenty... loli fan.

I am greatly insulted that you would even consider the notion*.








* not actually insulted

[Lupin the 3rd]

This anime looks AWESOME!






















......ok I'm not that perverted

[Javer]

But I can understand Rin-chan's kimochi ureshii feelings.

Because I love you, Professor.

*gets you fired*

[Zelkiiro]

D:

[Mouse]

It's been a long time since I've had a reason to use that smilie. I am stunned to say the least. Absolutely stunned... and disgusted.

[General Suburbia]

So i know 4chan memes. Sue me.

[togocurian]

Give it another chance... That OVA is only a demonstration of the Lolicon side of the show. Watch the whole thing, it's actually really good. The girls do talk pretty dirty, at least Rin and Kuro, Mimi is pretty quiet, and Rin is always trying to get their teacher to kiss her, but as the show goes on, it gets more serious and less and less about the Lolicon. The loliocn is just there to lure people in, the story is what keeps you watching. Give the show another chance and watch the real thing.

[Tremolo]

Originally Posted by togocurian

Give it another chance... That OVA is only a demonstration of the Lolicon side of the show.

Yeah, just ignore all the disgusting, horrific lolicon and you've got a wonderful story for the ages!

Originally Posted by togocurian

Watch the whole thing, it's actually really good.

No. It isn't. That's subjective fact.

Originally Posted by togocurian

The girls do talk pretty dirty, at least Rin and Kuro, Mimi is pretty quiet, and Rin is always trying to get their teacher to kiss her, but as the show goes on, it gets more serious and less and less about the Lolicon.

Originally Posted by togocurian

The loliocn is just there to lure people in

If by people you mean horrendous, smelly, morally-bankrupt otaku and pedophiles, OK.

Originally Posted by togocurian

the story is what keeps you watching. Give the show another chance and watch the real thing.

Give the show for pedophiles another chance, guys.

[Kavik Ryx]

If I want to feel slightly dirty while watching anime, I'll just watch Evangelion. At least then the hook is the robots as opposed to the well developed 14 year olds.

[animanic_critic]

Originally Posted by togocurian

Give it another chance... That OVA is only a demonstration of the Lolicon side of the show. Watch the whole thing, it's actually really good. The girls do talk pretty dirty, at least Rin and Kuro, Mimi is pretty quiet, and Rin is always trying to get their teacher to kiss her, but as the show goes on, it gets more serious and less and less about the Lolicon. The loliocn is just there to lure people in, the story is what keeps you watching. Give the show another chance and watch the real thing.

[laborpilot86]

This series is basically all that is wrong with anime distilled into one disturbing and stupid package