My Writings...

[NausicaaBoy]

Angels Cry...

I reached helpless,
All the time you lay and bled,
You slipped further away,
The memory echoes forever inside my head,

Tears of the moon,
Fell down like rain,
We reached together,
We reached In vain,

A plea to god,
A silent scream,
Your perfect eyes,
Never again to be seen,

Tears from the sky,
My sorrow is so,
I made the angels cry...

(I originally posted this on KingVwolfs thread)..so this is a repost...hope you enjoy it.

Just finishing chapter 3 of my book then I will post 1-3. Any editing and suggestions are welcome.

[Ashuri]

yees, can't wait to read more of your work, i'm waiting on that book of yours too ;) you should check out my art thread sometime

[NausicaaBoy]

There will be tomorrow

Forgive yourself,
The cold air won’t blow away cupids arrows,
Forget the past and repeat it all
Kissing beneath the weeping willows.

Those secretes hidden,
The sun will always rise tomorrow,
Beneath our childish lips,
Our lost love a forgotten sorrow,

Those summer days,
Lost forever, like the sunrise,
Never again those golden rays,
Will sparkle from your eyes.


HATING ON THIS POEM!!

[Ashuri]

There will be tomorrow

Forgive yourself,
The cold air won't blow away cupids' arrows,
Forget the past and repeat it all
Kissing beneath the weeping willows.

Those secrets hidden,
The sun will always rise tomorrow,
Beneath our childish lips,
Our lost love a forgotten sorrow,

Those summer days,
Lost forever, like the sunrise,
Never again those golden rays,
Will sparkle from your eyes.

hm...you're right there is something missing...one question, how can you forget the past and repeat it all? like forget it and then make the same mistakes and not learn from it or something, is that what you meant? i donno what's missing i can't put my finger on it, sorry, ive read it over like 10 times and i still donno. I made a few changes to your poem, just spellings i think.

[NausicaaBoy]

Hmm yah...Im not a big fan of this one...

I was using Forget the past and repeat it all ....as a antonym for what should happen

[Ashuri]

oh don't get me wrong, i like it, i just can't figure out what it needs for me to love it lol

[KingVVolf]

I really like the first poem. Something about it just draws me in. The second one is good, but it doesn't have that same appeal. Like Ashuri said, there's something there that keeps it from hitting home, but I can't place my finger on it. Can't wait to read your book, btw. Keep up the great work!

[Neo-Hunter]

really enjoyed your poems my poems is a thread i started a while ago Ithink when i was in the 10th grade it kept growing since. if you want to read one you can. I noticed that at the end of a poem of your you gave the word used hateing on this one try not to tell the reader about that and let them find out for them self it has angest, happyness or drama.

[NausicaaBoy]

Thank you all for your suggestions. I know that second poem is a bit of a let down...but that happens. Anyway Im really dissapointed to say that It will take me another couple hours work to finish the chapters I have been promising. However, this does present a problem, I am going away for the week to a glacier for a training camp; therefore I will take my laptop with and finish as much as I can for my return. Expect great things! Thank-you all for your encouragement.

-petr