My own book

[KingVVolf]

Hey everyone. I just started writing my own book as a hobby awhile back, and never knew of where I could post it. Anyways, here it is. It's a fantasy style book called "The Star and the Night." I'll post the first 2 chapters now, and add more later. Please tell me what u think. I need feedback plz!


Prologue: First New Friend

A young man laid on his back on top of a straw filled mattress. The back of his brown hair was matted to the pillow, but the front was messy and oily. Then again, that's what happens when you're unconscious for a week. A young woman sat on a stool next to the bed, on the man's left. Her hair in the back was pulled tight into a ponytail, but the front hanged freely. She reached up, and brushed away a stray lock of sandy blond hair, her beautiful hazel eyes showed endless worry.

The rain had stopped just a moment ago, and now the sun broke through the clouds, and pierced itself through the window behind the girl. Her hair sparkled, the light dancing across every strand. She kneeled down in front of the stool and grabbed his hand. She closed her eyes to keep back a flood of tears, and whispered under her breath, "Please, wake up."

The sun continued to pour itself through the window, and now traveled slowly up the bed till a beam reached his face. For the first time this week, he moved. He groaned softly, and then rubbed open his eyes with his right hand. That's when he saw her. She was now looking up at him, a genuinely happy smile was spread across her face, & tears streamed down her cheeks. Even with the tears, he could tell that her eyes danced with joy. "Wow," he said, looking at her beautiful face. "Are you available?"

Before either of them knew what happened next, it was too late. The beautiful woman reeled back and smacked the man across the face, leaving a huge red mark on his right cheek. She started apologizing profusely.

"Oh, I'm so sorry! I just..."
Don't apologize," he interrupted. "I'm the one who should be sorry. It's just, you're so beautiful that I couldn't stop myself."

She blushed while she introduced herself.
"My name's Joli. Who are you?"
"I don't know," was the young man's reply.
"Really," she asked in disbelief. "Maybe you're the one from the story then."
"What are you talking about Joli?"
"The Story of Kalik of course! You mean you've never heard of it?" All the man did was shake his head.

"Then I'll take you to see the elder. He'll tell you the story," she said. With that, she started to help the man up, but a sharp intake from him made her stop. She laid him back down with care.

"Oh, I already forgot that you need time to heal. Sorry about that," she said quickly. "I guess that I'll just have to bring the elder here then." With those words, Joli ran off.


Chapter 1: The Story of Kalik

Joli returned shortly with an old man. He was bald, but had a great white beard that reached his sternum. It was then that the young man noticed the old man’s clothes. His pants were black, and wide around the bottoms. He wore a simple white shirt under a tan jacket. The cuffs of his jacket were a drab olive color. The young man compared the old man’s clothes to Joli’s. While the man’s clothing was dull, Joli’s was colorful. She wore a rose colored kimono with a golden rod yellow sash. Running down the right side of the leg was a beautiful flower pattern of the same color as the sash.

“Hello young man,” said the old man. “I’m the village elder, Vecchio. I know it may hurt, but could you please sit up?” The young man sat up, and winced with every short, gasping breath. It was then that he realized that all he was wearing were a pair of black shorts and bandages. There were bandages all over him. On both his legs, from his left shoulder down to his forearm, but the most was around his ribs. There was no blood showing, but now he could feel the wounds. Now his pain was excruciating, and he collapsed back onto the bed.

“I think you are right,” Vecchio told Joli.
“What are you talking about,” the man interrupted.
“The story will explain it all. Just relax Klon.”
“Klon,” the man asked confused.
Ignoring him, Vecchio continued. “Evil once covered our world. Never ending darkness. Eternal night, if you will. Anyways, a little boy from the village Vinger decided to change that. That boy was named Kalik, and he decided to become the star that shone through the night. He & 5 others went out to brighten the world covered in darkness. A beautiful woman, a girl with strange powers, a beast man, a philosopher of sorts, and a boy with some “minor” problems followed him. While Kalik kept his views of bringing light and justice, one of his friends changed their views. This one decided to use the darkness as power, and tried to rule all, forcing the people into false peace. This one came to represent everything that was feared of the darkness, and became known as the night. They eventually fought, and Kalik won, but he died shortly afterwards.”
“What’s that got to do with me?”
“Well, he had a son, and…”
“But you said that was an old story.”
“Yes, but he had one specific trait that that you share, meaning that you could be related.”
“What trait is that?”
“Well, first off, you’re his spitting image. Slender, yet muscular. Short, light brown hair, and those icy, steel blue eyes. The real kicker though are the two scars on your back. They travel right down along the insides of your shoulder blades.”
“Why’s that so special?”
“You’ll learn in do time Klon.”
“Why do you keep calling me Klon?”
“Because that’s the name of the one related to Kalik. Anyways, I brought you some clothes for when you feel better.”

With that, he dropped a white jacket with crimson trim on the mattress, along with a white T-shirt, a pair of black pants, a crimson belt, and a pair of tan hunting boots. On the back of the jacket was a kanji symbol, also in crimson. It simply said star.

“These are what Kalik wore,” Joli said, walking off. “Now get some rest,” she said.
“No problem,” Klon told himself, his eyes already shut.

[Ashuri]

Good job, i like this story! i wanna read more! My only suggestion is to replace the word "Anyways" with something else. I donno what but it just seems not to fit....and come to think of it, i'm not even sure if it's an actual word. Other than that good job, hope to read more from you in the future ^__^

[KingVVolf]

Please give me feedback. I want to make the book as good as possible.

Chapter 2: Fleeting Peace

Klon had spent ten months in this village called Inizio. Eight of those months were spent recuperating in bed. During those months, he met the doctor of the village, Geneese. Geneese was a bit strange. He was tall and lanky. His hair was black, and cut like a bowl. His kind, yet serious green eyes were hidden behind small square glasses. He came repeatedly to check on Klon’s wounds, and sometimes stopped to talk. When Klon was finally healed, he met Erde and Hermano, the twin brothers. As part of his rehabilitation, Klon helped the brothers on their farm. They really didn’t need the help though. They were short and stock, perfect for the farmer’s life, but they let Klon work so he could regain his strength. The peace Klon had learned to love was soon shattered.

On a dreary day, a day were the sun hid behind the clouds, a man came, bloody & bruised. His clothes were ripped and torn, and he walked with a limp. As soon as he reached the village gate, he collapsed. Geneese was the first to reach the man, and everyone else circled around.

“Jeez,” Geneese exclaimed. “What the hell happened to you?”
“Bandits,” the man replied in a hushed voice. “They attacked Versteck.”
“Did anyone else make it out?”
The man laid silent, the blood gushing from his head made his hair mat to his head.
“Move! I’ve got to get this man inside,” Geneese yelled.
Don’t worry, we’ll get him,” Hermano and Erde said in unison, picking up the man. The crowd parted for them, and Geneese led the brothers to his house. The twins came back shortly, covered in sticky blood.

“We’ve got to do something,” Erde exploded. “If need be, I’ll kill’em myself!”
“Just calm down Erde,” Vecchio said calmly. “Klon will take care of it.”
“What,” Klon asked, surprised. “When the **** did I agree to that? I don’t remember ever…”
“If you really are Klon, you’ll have no problem.”
“Yeah? Well, what if I’m not Klon? I’ll just die for no reason.”
“No you won’t, because I’ll be there to help you,” Joli said suddenly.
I won’t allow that,” Vecchio screamed, obviously taken off guard.
“Why not grandpa?”

That came as a shock to Klon. He had been there for ten months, and no one ever told him that Joli was related to Vecchio. Not even Joli had told him.
I’ve learned healing from Geneese, and I already know how to fight,” Joli continued.
“If you were hurt, I couldn’t go on. I’d kill myself before I’d look at you in pain,” Vecchio said.
“Then we’d meet again, in heaven or hell,” Joli replied.
“You always were stubborn. Well, if I can’t stop you, then go with my blessings.”
“Thank you grandpa,” Joli said, grabbing the old man in a hug. He whispered into her ear, and she looked up at him. She simply nodded.

“So, how am I supposed to fight those guy anyways,” Klon asked.
“With this,” Vecchio said while tossing Klon an azure stone. The stone was similar in size to an egg, but it was a perfect sphere rather than an oval. Klon rolled it back & forth in his hand, feeling it all around. It was smooth all over, and was incredibly light for it’s size. It had one small hole near the top.

“What do I do with this,” Klon asked. “Throw it at the bandits and hope for the best?”
“Take this and put it through the little hole in the stone,” Vecchio said, handing Klon a thin silver chain.
“Big deal. Now it’s a crumby flail.”
“No moron, it’s a necklace that…”
“How’s a necklace going to help me?”
“If you’d shut up for two seconds, I’d explain it to you,” Vecchio snapped. “That stone is made of pure, solid magic. If you have the skill, you can create a weapon out of thin air with that stone.”
“Really? How do I do that?”
“It’s a little different for everyone. It runs off emotions, but what emotions change from person to person. It takes a lot of practice though, so I suggest that you get to work.”
“Alright, I’ll get on that right now,” Klon said, running off to Vecchio’s house, the same place he had spent ten months living at.

[Ashuri]

ahh, what happens next?! /suspense/

[NausicaaBoy]

GACK!!!! must ...read...more!!! write more pleasse!!

P.S. the word "Wow" ...I dunno...just didnt fit for me..lol im srry im being to picky

[KingVVolf]

Back by popular demand (aka 2 people) is the next chapter of "The Star and the Night."

Chapter 3: Klon’s Feelings

Klon stood in the yard of Vecchio’s home. He grasped the stone in his hand, his eyes closed, and looking down. He thought of everything he could. The thing that kept coming back to him though, was the man who had just made it to town. He thought of the pain that man endured, and his hatred of the people who had done the deed. As this thought passed through his head again, he felt a jolt. It shot from the stone, and traveled through his body. The feeling made the scars on his back tingle the most. The feeling excited him.

Klon’s feet led him back to the village gate, where Vecchio still stood.
“Vecchio, I think I got it,” Klon screamed, still running towards him.
“Calm down Klon,” Vecchio said calmly. “Now just tell me what happened.
“I felt a jolt come from the stone!”
“Really? That’s extraordinary. What kind of weapon did you think of?”
“Was I supposed to?”
“No, you think of the shapes you see in the clouds. Yes you think of a kind of weapon. You think of an emotion that brings on the jolt, and then you think of what kind of weapon you want. The only thing that limits you is your imagination.”
“That’s really amazing.”
“There’s that, and of course, your own abilities. If you’re only three feet tall, you’re probably not going to be able to use a seven-foot blade. If you don’t know how to use a whip on the other hand, then it’s pointless to have. Just obvious things like that. So, do you understand, or do I need to repeat myself?”
“I got it,” Klon said, spitting the words out.
“What did you think of anyways,” Vecchio asked.
“The hatred of those bandits, and what they did to that poor man.”
“Are you sure it was hatred? Are you sure it wasn’t a sense of justice, pity, or compassion. Maybe it was disgust, fright, or just a vortex of mixed feelings.”
“I’m not sure, now that you mention it.”
“You’re the only one who can tell. Don’t worry though; you’ll get it eventually. For now though, let’s go home. It’s been a pretty rough day.”

They walked in silence towards Vecchio’s house. Klon kept his head low, thinking about all that had happened that day. He felt a tug on his left arm. He just missed the fence around Vecchio’s house. “Guess I wasn’t think,” Klon said, rubbing his head.
“You don’t say,” Vecchio replied with a smirk.
They laughed together, and Klon walked to his room with a smile. He fell onto his straw filled mattress and whispered to himself. “Maybe Vecchio isn’t so bad.” At that moment, his bed buckled under him. “Now if he wasn’t such a cheap bastard.” With that, Klon fell asleep.

[Ashuri]

More please??!! I know you're laughing evily cuase you're plan is working lol ^___^ um you might wana fix this “Guess I wasn’t think,” just kind of bothered me, but that's the only part. Very good, you posses great writting skills

[NausicaaBoy]

You're getting better with everyword. I love the character development its excellent.

[KingVVolf]

Chapter 4: The Road Ahead

Once again, sun poured into Klon’s room, forcing him to wake. He sat on the bed, grumbling while he rubbed his back. As he stood up, he looked at his bed. It was just inches off the ground now. “Bout time you woke up,” Vecchio said, opening the door. “Hurry up and get ready. Everyone’s ready to see you off.” Klon stumbled towards the bathroom, his eyes still crusted over with sleep. He got in the shower, and the water seemed to rinse away his fatigue. It also brought with it, a new feeling, one of amazement and wonder. This would be the first time he had left the village since he arrived ten months before. He got dressed, and while his hair was still wet, he spiked the front straight up. As he walked out of the door and headed towards the gate, he took his new necklace and held it tight in his hand before he put it on. It seemed to swing carelessly around his neck as he slowly started to trot. As the gate came into view, so did all the villagers. Klon looked around, and the only people he noticed missing were the injured man, and Geneese. As he looked at the gate, he couldn’t help but soak in the beauty of it all. Joli and Vecchio stood in front of the gate, which framed the sunrise. Both of their faces were covered in shadows, but Joli’s hair shone brightly, and the sun reflected off of Vecchio’s smooth head. As Klon took in the sight, the villagers made a gauntlet like passage towards the gate. He walked slowly toward Vecchio, who had a smile on his face. The wind blew his great white beard slowly. The wind slowly turned to a chill as Vecchio held out his arm, He held a knapsack in his hand, and a black cloak was draped over his arm. Klon took the bag and tossed the strap over his shoulder as he looked at Joli. She flashed a smile that made the image he saw earlier pale in comparison. He felt a grin spread across his face as Vecchio slid back into the crowd of villagers. Vecchio’s voiced boomed as he counted to three, and was followed by an earth shaking chorus of voices. “GOODBYE, GOOD LUCK, AND RETURN SAFELY!” With that, Joli and Klon turned towards the forest. In what seemed like seconds, they stood in front of the forest. They sun was blocked out by mighty trees covered in beautiful colors. It was now the beginning of fall, and the reds, greens, yellows, and browns of the leaves were eye catching and inspiring. Joli pointed to a patch of herbs and said, “That’s where I found you.”
“Brings back memories doesn’t it,” Klon said to Joli, lying down in the patch of plants.
“For me, yeah. What about you Klon? Do you remember anything?” She slowly walked over to where Klon lay, looking down at him with a smile.
“Just how beautiful you are,” he said sweetly, a smirk giving away his innocence. He felt a soft, playful kick hit his ribs.
“You never learn, do you,” Joli questioned.
“Haha, guess not. Why am I getting hit for giving you a compliment anyways,” chuckled Klon. Joli let out a sigh. “Let’s get going,” she said as she started heading into the forest.
“Wait up for me,” Klon yelled, sitting up quickly. As they walked together through the forest, they kept silent for a minute or so. They turned in unison as a bush rustled behind them.

MWAHAHAHAHA!!! Cliffhanger! Actually, incase I hadn't mention b4, I've been writing this book for awhile, but I had it in first person. So rly, I have the next chapter done, I just have to change it a bit to fit the new way of writing. In other words, I should have the next chapter up soon, unless I just don't feel like writing. I thnk the next chapter is the last one I finished b4 I restarted though, so after the next chapter, it may start taking more time. Just a fair warning. Anyways, plz reply. I'd love to hear feedback and critiscm.

[KingVVolf]

Chapter 5: The First Encounter

Brown fur was barely visible through the bush. A furry rabbit burst out of the brush and dashed across the path. Another rabbit followed it shortly, and a third rabbit ran by, practically on top of the second. A gray wolf followed these two rabbits. Before Klon could react, the wolf had changed its target, and was going straight for Klon neck. An arrow flew by Klons ear, and struck the wolf right between the eyes. Its corpse fell limp at Klons feet, the blood gushing from its head already turning the gray fur black. Klon couldn’t help but realize how its mouth was still snarled, and that the brown eyes of the wolf were still transfixed on him. A thought now passed through his mind. Who shot the arrow? He turned around quickly, and saw Joli holding a bow, her hands still holding it in firing position. She slowly lowered the bow and said, “You should really work on making weapons.”

“What’s wrong,” Joli asked while Klon nodded to the previous statement, his mouth agape. “ Trust me, I don’t enjoy killing, but…” Joli said, trailing off.
“Don’t worry, I understand,” Klon said comfortingly. Joli smiled warmly, her eyes showing gratitude to Klons kind words.
“You fight to protect those that you love,” Klon continued. For once, Joli didn’t slap him. Instead, she just hit him in the back of the head with the bow.
“Do you ever give up,” Joli exclaimed as she marched off further into the forest.
“You know what they say. Persistence is a virtue,” Klon called out, racing after Joli.
“You’re thinking of patience,’ Joli said as Klon reached her.
“Whatever you say,” Klon replied playfully.

They walked together for a few minutes in silence until Klon started a conversation.
“So what do you think of when you make a weapon,” he asked innocently.
“Why,” she asked simply.
“I need ideas on what to think of.”
“I just think of happy thought.”
“Oh, so you think of me.”
Jolis stare cut Klon in half as she cocked back her hand.
“Just kidding,” Klon said quickly.
Jolis hand relaxed, and she turned back towards the path.
“Anyways, I tried that before. It didn’t work for me,” Klon added.
“Then what did you think of that did work,” Joli questioned.
“I thought of that poor man, and what those shameless bandits did to him.” As he said this, Klon felt the jolt again. He acted on the feeling, quickly closing his eyes and concentrating on a weapon. The jolt now became a burst of energy. He felt it race through his body, flowing throughout him. It gathered in his hand and shot out of his body in an explosion of power. When he opened his eyes, a kunai lay in his hand. It was marvelous in its own simplicity.

“See, it really isn’t that hard once you’ve got the hang of it,” Joli said.
“Yeah, I guess you’re right,” Klon replied, shaking slightly from excitement.
“Yu should keep working on it though. Try something a little more inventive, like this,” Joli said. The bow in her hand glowed softly, and then transformed into a simple crossbow.
“What’s so special about that,” Klon asked confused.
“Check out the arrows,” Joli replied. She held up one of the arrows, showing it off. It was normal except for the fact that along with the normal arrowhead were two sharp metal prongs sticking out to the side. It looked like an arrow mixed with a trident. Now it was Klons turn. Yet again, he thought of the bandits and the injured man, and again, he felt the jolt. This time though, when he opened his eyes, he held a sword. One side of the blade was completely flat and dull up until the point. The tip was sharp enough to draw blood easily. The other side of the blade was extremely sharp. From the tip of the sword, it curved downward to another point about halfway down the blade. It then hooked back up, leaving an indent of sorts in the blade, and then ran down towards the handle. It was basically a sword with a hook blade, or it could also be described as a mix between an axe and a sword.

“Not bad at all,” Joli said impressed.
“What do you mean, not bad? It’s awesome,” Klon said smugly.
“Yeah, but can you even use that thing?”
“Um, well, I haven’t really tried. Don’t see why I can’t teach myself.”
“Ugh. Looks like you should get some practice in then,” Joli said, holding her head in her hand.
“Yeah, you’re probably right,” Klon replied with a silly smile on his face.
As they walked, Klon swung around his new sword, getting a feel for it’s heft, and how it would be used best. After a little serious practice, Klon relaxed. He jumped around and yelled as he swung around his sword. “You should cut it out before you attract monsters,” Joli said angrily.” Klon flashed a smile, leaning on his sword as he apologized.

“Actually, keep it up,” Joli said. “You could use the practice in actual battle.”
As soon as she finished her statement, something caught Klons attention. A strange looking tree to Klons left was oozing green slime!

“What the hell is that,” Klon asked surprised.
“That’s the first monster you’ll fight,” Joli responded coolly.
“That slime is a monster?”
“Just watch, and you’ll understand.”
The slime dripped from the tree, gathering into a disgusting blob. Two little black dots could be seen near the top of the blob. A fist shaped hole was indented in its body. At that moment, it let out a strange cry. To Klon, it sounded like a dying crow. It bounced towards both of them as Klon pulled back his sword in both hands. As the blob reached Klons reach, he brought the sword down hard, cutting the slime right down the middle.
“Guess I got a little carried away,” Klon chuckled, turning towards. Joli.
“I wouldn’t be so sure,” Joli replied.

Please read and reply. I'd rly appriciate it.

[Ashuri]

AH! Keep writing! lol you haven't updated in a while *hangs on edge of cliff*

[KingVVolf]

Sry I haven't updated. I haven't had a chance to write at all since my niece and nephew r here. They came last week, and r staying til Saturday this week. After that, I have band camp, so it'll be quite a while b4 I get back to this. I also just started a job, so this book will b dead for a while. I'll revive it though, once I get the chance.

[Ashuri]

aw alright, i await stories of the neice and nephew btw lol

[KingVVolf]

Ok, I finally have some free time again. I'm going to start working on my story again 2day or 2night. I may have the next chapter up in a few days, incase anyone cares.

[KingVVolf]

Woohoo for finally having time. As I said, I have finished the next chapter. I've got plans all day 2morrow, but I plan on starting the next chapter sometime this week (probably Wednesday), and finishing the chapter by the end of the week. Then again, it really depends on if my mind takes another little trip, and I lose all my creativity and will to write. Hopefully, that won't happen again. Anyways, I'm rambling now, so please enjoy the next chapter of "The Star and the Night."

P.S- Please leave comments. It's driving me crazy not having any critiscm or encouragement.

Chapter 6: Just Like Magic

As the comment sunk in, Klon slowly turned around. Two smaller slimes now sat in front of Klon, side by side. Klon swung his sword across the ground, cutting both slimes in half. Now there were four slimes, each of them half of the size of the other two. Klon stood in place, confused on what to do next. Two of the slimes jumped up at his face, ready to strike. As they flew towards him, they burst into flames as he saw a flash from behind him. He swung around, yet again seeing Joli standing there. “Let me guess, Vecchio didn’t tell you about how to use magic, did he,” she said unenthusiastically. Klon simply shook his head. “Of course he didn’t. It’s the same as making a weapon, but instead of a weapon, you think of an element. Much like making weapons, the type of magic you can create is really only limited to your imagination. Now take out the other two slimes.”

While Joli explained all of this to Klon, he was also occupied with dodging the monsters’ attacks. There was a slime on each side of him when Joli finished her speech. He quickly stabbed his sword into the ground in front and held his arms straight out to his sides, his palms vertical to the ground. Out of each of his hands shot a bolt of lightning. Both bolts hit their targets, and the slimes exploded from the charges racing through them. He picked up his sword again, and rested it on his shoulder. His arms were weary now for some reason.

“I guess I should have told you using magic really drains you,” Joli said.
“Yeah, that would have been nice to know,” Klon said sarcastically.
“Don’t worry though. After some training, your body will become stronger, and you’ll be able to rely on it more.”

Klon and Joli started walking again, heading towards the village of Versteck. They had only made it a few feet before Klon banished his sword back into the void of magic he had pulled it from. His body was weak now from the fighting, and mostly from the magic. He sat down for a moment on a fallen log they had passed. Joli sat down next to him as he dropped his head into his hands.

“Are you alright,” Joli asked in a concerned voice.
“I’m fine,” Klon replied toughly.
“You seem like you need rest. You’re sure you don’t want to take a break?”
“We don’t have time for that. We have to stop those bandits before they get away.” Klon staggered to his feet, his legs ready to give out. He swayed from side to side as he walked, his vision starting to double.

“Oh no you don’t,” Joli screamed, running after him. “I’m glad you’re so worried about the people, but you won’t be much help if you pass out on the way there.” He kept walking forward as she grabbed his arm. “There are dangerous monsters through out this forest. If you aren’t in top condition, you could be in serious danger,” she continued. Klon pulled her along as he kept walking. She threw his arm over her shoulder as they continued to walk. “Hehe, you’re even more stubborn than me,” she said with a smirk. “If you start to fall over though, we’re stopping.” They continued to walk, Klon now leaning slightly on Jolis shoulder. His vision slowly faded out as he closed his eyes, his feet moving him towards his goal.

[KingVVolf]

OK, I started the next chapter about a week or 2 ago, and I honestly haven't felt like writing at all. School starts 2morrow for me, and w/ that, marching band, and hopefully getting a new job were I get more than 6-9 hours a week, I'm not going to have much time for this. Whenever I get hit w/ inspiration or whatever, I'll start the story back up. With that, I sadly say that this story won't be moving for quite some time probably. I may have the next chapter soon, if I can get out of my writers block, but I can't say for sure.

[animanic_critic]

Please keep up with the story and don't lose the enthusiasm. I really look forward to the next chapters. I hope the whole story doesn't end very soon :no: ...

[KingVVolf]

Thank u for the encouragement. I still haven't been able to get out of my writers block, so it may still be a while. Don't wry though, this book won't b ending for a while. If I ever do get this thing published, I planned on a trilogy kinda thing, so it'll b quite a long book.

[KingVVolf]

OK, I swear that sooner or later I'll start back on this story. I just haven't rly felt like writing and haven't had the inspiration to keep up. I will though, so don't wry.

[Haruki]

I have read better books in a childrens book. This is what i want to do with youre head. :biggun: :moron: Good luck doing anyhting in life. Because if you really think that you are good at writing, think effin' again.

[KingVVolf]

:rant: ^Wow, thank u for being an *******, and of no help what so ever. If u don't like my writing, that is completely fine. If you'd like to give CONSTRUCTIVE CRITISCM, that would be wonderful. Right now though, you're being a prick by bringing someone else down with no reasonable explaination presented. If u can come up w/ reasons for why u say I'm a horrible writer, go for it, I'd love to here u out, because I want to become a good writer. Unless u can do that though, shut up.

Note, this is really just the first draft. Eventually, I plan to go back, fix everything that ppl have pointed out, and hopefully add/take out out parts, explain in better depth certain parts of the story, and try to make it an overall better book. I fully except that I could be doing a lot better, but I'd like to point out that this is more of a storyboard so far. Not much depth, chapters r pretty short, and overall, will probably have a loophole or two. That's the entire reason I have been posting my story here. To get help, and to hopefully make this a book worth reading.

Also, contrary to what u said about me being an awful writer, everyone who has posted back so far has had good things to say. Apparently it's got something or else noone would reply to it like they have. Now then, I could keep going, but I think I'll stop there. If you'd like to reply back, I'd love to hear your reason for saying I can't write. If not, then I'm taking it that u just felt like running your mouth. To everyone else... Excuse me for going out on a rant, but I hate when people do this. Without any reason for your actions, all u do is make yourself look like an idiot. Now ends my rant.