A poem

[Freya]

Well, I'm sorry thats all I have written for now >.> but heres a short story to keep you entertained hehehehe.

"F***" (thats what its called... I can't think of anything else)

“F***.” The vulgar beauty of the word stuns me. The way it rolls off my forked tongue is amazing, it’s almost intoxicating. The way it sounds when it’s screamed out of your throat during erotic body clashes excites me to no end. In the words of the ban Offspring: “Give it to me baby.” It can’t be said much better. Come on, you’re the cake, I’m the frosting, let me slather myself all over your deliciousness. I want to make you man in submissive pain, squirming, trying to get out from under me. “Just am moment longer, you have too.” I gently but firmly inform you as I hold you down by your hair. “F*** me.” I said it so plainly, so softly, the English language almost didn’t recognize it. That’s not how it’s supposed to be said. It was such a simple phrase for me, said so neatly, so articulately you held your breath. My new voice found, you lay still and silent. You were shocked by its beauty, by its sound, its annunciation, and its hidden meanings. I was still harsh, sadistic, rough and hard to get along with in bed but you still stayed, entranced by my voice beauty. Entranced with “F***.”


just a weird little ditty

Well, there you go CY... erm Neo-Hunter... you could have just scrolled down a little too :Poke: :D tell me whatcha think though!

[Freya]

MORE AUDREY STORY!


“Yes!” she tried to hold back her excitement but failed. Dwight gave her directions to his apartment, which was rather close to where she was staying, “I’ll be there in about twenty minutes.” She told him and hung up the phone, after which she squealed with delight. Audrey took a quick look in the mirror to make sure she looked alright for him. She had lost weight after the separation, a lot of weight at first but she was gaining it back. She first looked like a stick after they parted, but she was working out and eating now, so she was looking healthier. “I’m sure Dwight will notice… I look almost sick,” she thought as she hailed a taxi. She sat in the old cab, the cabbie spoke to her in broken English and was wearing some type of head dressing, obviously from the native country. She handed the driver a slip of paper with her destination written on it and he took off. The car whipped around corners and zoomed through little back streets and allies. Audrey didn’t care or notice, she was lost in the beauty of the woman singing opera in some other language as well as her excitement and thoughts. Audrey felt the cabby breaking so she turned and looked out the other window of the car. She was astonished. “Is this Dwight’s house?” the cabby stopped in front of a cottage style house tucked between a flower shop and pizzeria, it was a creamy orange color. Audrey just about died when she walked up and opened the iron latch on the heavy wood door of the fence. “This is my dream home! I remember telling him how I wanted my house in complete detail,” her break was taken away. When she closed the gat a bell rang, probably for the second time but she hadn’t noticed it the first if it had. It informed Dwight she was there. She headed up towards the house on a brick path laid out in the ocean of deep green grass.
Dwight opened the door wide and smiled as he met her on the middle of the path, “Audrey!” he outstretched his arms to hug her. She practically fell into his embrace.
“He feels stronger,” Audrey though, her eyes shut tight as her body dug deeply into his. If it was possible to get closer, she would have. “I’ve missed you,” she said quietly.
“I missed you too,” Dwight blinked back tears and kissed her head. “Her hair is so much softer and longer than I remember.”
“What went wrong Dwight?” Audrey asked as they sat at an out door table on his back patio, near the Bar-B-Q.
“I don’t totally know or remember… all I know is that we were fighting a lot,” he paused and let out a little chuckle, “about really dumb stuff too.”
Audrey crossed her legs and looked away, ashamed by the memories, “Yeah, dumb stuff…”
“How have you been? How was Hong Kong?”
“Oh, it was nice,” she smiled and Dwight blushed, her smiled was so beautiful, “It was really interesting and different and relaxing. I learned a lot and tried a lot of new stuff.”
“Did you try any diets? You look thinner,” he was so cute concerned.
Audrey giggled, “No, not really but I have lost weight.” He thought to herself, “I knew he would notice.”
“Well you look great,” Dwight’s eyes sparkled mischievously and he smiled.
Audrey blushed, laughed and looked away once more, “How have you been the past six months?”
“I’ve been alright… it was hard at first but I started working out, I moved and I even got a dog.”
“Really?” Audrey was surprised. She didn’t know Dwight liked dogs. She had always wanted one and he always seemed indifferent towards the idea.
“Yeah,” he turned and called the dog, “Joe! Joe, come here boy!” from a doggy door in the back of the house emerged a Dalmatian, tail wagging happily.
“Oh my! He’s adorable!” Audrey laughed as he came and licked her hands as she tried to pet hi. “How long have you had him and how old is he?”
“About four or five months and he’s a year and a half old, I got him from a shelter.”
“He’s a sweet dog,” as her smile turned from the dog to Dwight, thunder clapped and it started to rain.
“Come on inside, this looks bad!” Dwight commented as they hurried in the back door. “Doesn’t look like its going to let up any time soon,” he took off his shoes as he peered out at the pouring rain. He looked at Audrey who was rather wet. Her skirt clung to her legs and her hair was sticking to her face. “I’ll be right back let me get you a towel or something.”
“Thanks,” she sniffled and hugged her self as she started shivering. It was more of a nervous, awkward shivering than cold shivering, but she was cold too. Dwight had the air conditioning on, she could tell.
He hurried back with a fluffy, yellow towel and a large bath robe. “You looked cold so I grabbed this for you.”
“Thanks,” she smiled at him as she started to put the robe on.
“Don’t you want to take off your wet clothes?” Audrey looked at him and he turned bright red, “No, I mean I can dry your clothes for you if you like. They just seem uncomfortable… I’m going to change.”
He turned to go when she told him, “Yeah, fresh clothes would be nice.”
“I’ll find you some quick okay? Try to keep warm,” he wrapped the robe temporarily around her and gave her the most caring look and than left and went upstairs to find her clothes. Audrey stood there, listening to the rain beat against the little house and the boards of the upstairs creak as Dwight moved around. She found herself smiling, thinking of her and Dwight getting married and living in his house together. He rushed back down the stairs and looked at her with a slight look of dismay, “Do you mind sweats?”
“No! Not at all!” by this time Audrey was shivering because she was cold and she hurried into the nearby bathroom to change. Before she could even start, Dwight knocked at the door.
“Audrey, I’m going to change up in my room…”
Audrey had a perplexed look on her face “I don’t need to know everything he does…” she thought as she said, “Okay…?” and begun changing.
“Okay…” Dwight’s voice trailed off as he realized how dumb he had sounded so he hurriedly went upstairs and changed.



POEM!

“Beach”
One day at the beach
My friends did stare
At my husband, almost entirely bare!
They gagged at him, the large fuzzy peach.

On the day at the beach, that poor beach,
The sun didn’t want to shine
At the man I called mine,
My poor fuzzy peach.

The water recited at the beach
The fish swam away like torpedos
As my husband approached in his leopard print Speedo

Yet I enjoyed my day at the beach
With the man I’ll always love,
The one I married long ago.
The beautiful day with my big, fuzzy peach.

[Himeno]

That's a great poem, though a little sad. I'm impressed, I couldn't keep up ryming that long!:eek:


I have a short Limerick poem for you to see:

There once was a boy named Tim.
Who didn't know how to swim.
He fell off a dock,
He sank like a rock,
And that was the end of him!

[Kiba]

Meh the poem was okay, too literal needs to be more descriptive or needs better imagery.

[Freya]

That's a great poem, though a little sad. I'm impressed, I couldn't keep up ryming that long!:eek:


I have a short Limerick poem for you to see:

There once was a boy named Tim.
Who didn't know how to swim.
He fell off a dock,
He sank like a rock,
And that was the end of him!

lol thanks, you made me smile n_n

Kiba I wrote the poem long ago, I just haven't gotten around to posting it...

But what do you think of the continuation of my on-going story? (if you're keeping up with it...) <--- that going out to everyone

EDIT:

if you think thats long... you should see this other poem I wrote, its three pages long in Word >.<

[Neo-Hunter]

very good work, srry i haven't been on i was at finals and i finally got the web at my new house after almost a year, i been using the schools.

[Freya]

very good work, srry i haven't been on i was at finals and i finally got the web at my new house after almost a year, i been using the schools.

:hug:
awww I'm glad you're back CY! (lol you'll always be CY to me hehehee)

Anywho, I really like this new piece, I wrote it last night and idk, I like the imagry but yeah tell me what you think (warning: its rather angsty and "I-hate-myself")


Bugs are trying to get into my room though my window. It’s hot and muggy. I feel a sticky feeling over my body as I lay here mostly nude. Perhaps I feel so hot because of the fat covering my body. It’s revolting, I look like shit, and not the nice, healthy kind either. I’m not nicely clumped together. I’m not a solid stool or a pretty brown color. I’m more of a soupy, greenish-brown shit that makes you wish you would die after defecating because the smell is so bad. My bodies not broken, it’s just big. I wish I was one of those cute little girls you can fit into the palm of your hand, with long, straight and dark hair. Maybe I would be better off like the June bug trying to get into my room. His whole purpose is so simple. He just wants to get to the light. He continues to nosily slap against the screen and even though it blocks him he keeps trying. He could be dumb, but I think its courage and no matter how many times he’s rejected he keeps trying. I wish I could be like that instead of this smelly, soupy bowl of shit. The bug is even prettier than me. It has nice little wings, a strong shell and slender legs. I’m no angel and thus I have no wings. My “shell” consists of the fluffiest hair known to mankind, fat thighs, cankles, a stomach that should either be stapled or stabbed and pudgy fingers (they aren’t the “cute” pudgy either.) A face so round it makes the word “sphere” cringe and toes from Hades himself. My eyes are pretty, when magnified by or hidden behind my glasses, otherwise their like tiny green pebbles lost in a sea of either very pale or bright red skin. My breasts are okay, but there are many, many other girls out there with better boobs and a better face. Perhaps my personality is what I should hold my pride and beauty in? No, I shouldn’t. I’m either far too nice to people or I slowly pick them apart and let them die exposed. I tell secrets or say things to and about people I shouldn’t. I like far to many things for most people and dislike far to many “regular” things for people, (examples would be: I hate pancakes, eggs and bacon.)
I’m very “smart,” I get good grades in school and am often liked or at least get long with all my professors for some reason. But when I actually talk to regular people about regular things I’m very forgetful and I don’t ever catch onto anything being said. People would have more luck conversing with the bug outside. If I was a bug I’d at least have other bugs to rely on, as I see a second June bug has joined the first in trying to knock the screen in. I do not have this now. I have friends but I don’t like to bog them down with problems, I feel like I’ve worn out all my good friends so now I just put on a smile and make a fool of myself so they have something to laugh about and find joy in. My parents should be encouraging too, right? My Father is, but I don’t talk to him about everything, just the big, confusing questions in life or I get into theological debates and discussions or I talk about proper doctrine and school with him. My Mother is about as smart as the bug outside and only good for making food and having the “embarrassing” job of buying pads and tampons for that wonderful… period… I cannot tolerate my Mother even; just the thought of her makes me sick.
Maybe my repulsiveness can be explained in my gruesome past, or maybe I should just tell people I ate acid when I was little and now my stomach is permanently bloated. Or I could say my Mother drank while she was pregnant with me and that’s why I am who I am? I have a boyfriend and I love him with the little black heart I have but I take him for granted and probably manipulate him. I say probably because I don’t think I can decipher truth from lie or manipulation anymore. I figure he only loves me back because I tricked him into liking me somehow, perhaps though flattery. The bottom line is that I don’t deserve any of what’s in my life and I am no better nor am I any greater than the bug outside my window.

[Neo-Hunter]

very intresting how you talk about being a dung beetle then expressing your true self and about yer life.

[Kiba]

Meh, the poem or whatever was annoying, too much self-loathing.

[Freya]

very intresting how you talk about being a dung beetle then expressing your true self and about yer life.

:sweatdrop

CY, its a June Bug, not a dung beetle... but yeah I compare my life to that of a June bug and my body etc. its just a simple metaphore (although the pesky little thing was banging against my window while I was writing and thus inspired the story lol)

[Neo-Hunter]

really! whoops my bad. I'm sorry anyway I did a short story check it out the first was a rough i rehashed it though but i really love your writing lately.

[Freya]

Inspired by my friend Matt when we were talkin the other night I basically came up with the first verse :p

“The Land of Dreamy Dreams”

I’ll take you to a place filled with happiness
Across the rainbow bridge
Past the unicorn fountain
And up to the licorice fridge.

To the chocolate pool
And candy cane forest
A place that makes the full drool
Both richest and poorest.

Hop on a butterfly and fly away
To the land of dreamy dreams
And gumdrop roads
Where anything’s possible, at least it seems

Bathe in joy
Weather girl or boy
This land welcomes all
So come on in and have a ball!

Spinning and laughing
Sleeping on full tummies
Candy constitutions drafting
But missed by Daddies and Mummies

Come with me to the happiest place on Earth
Full of vibrant reds, blues and greens
It’ll cure any sadness; we’ll get there by any means
Because it’s the land of Dreamy Dreams!

[Pachinko]

Aww; this one made me giggle. XD
You have a way with words, Freya-dearest<3

[Freya]

Perhaps its time for something a bit more seirous:

(I wrote this a while ago, during the school year and I finished it like last month)

Untitled

The day has risen
For man to end
For women to scream
For time to bend.

Baby’s brains bursting,
Woman fornicating
Young men cursing
Little girls with no clothes.

Selfishness runs though their veins
Hate shattering the mirror of love
Oh, this wretched world! My soul drains
No one thinking of Heaven above.

All are lost
Not one does good
But what did it cost?
A cross made of wood…

[Pachinko]

Hmm, this was definately a deep-thinker.<3
I love the religious undertone. For one with a different spiritual background, I enjoyed it.

* Pa-chan thinks

[Freya]

Okay I was poking around SUPER old files, and I found this. I remember writing it with the aid of my Mother when I was like seven or something so yeah umm enjoy it because its the VERY VERY first poem I ever wrote hahahaha and I should be :baninated for it >.> but its funny.

"The River"

I hear the river’s waters,
Beating against the rocks.
I can see the reflection of loggers.
Don’t worry, there aren’t any crocs.

I hear the river’s waters,
Beating against the rocks.
There’s something coming this way.
But don’t worry, there aren’t any crocs.

I hear the river’s waters,
Beating against the rocks.
I see a log floating towards me.
Oh, no! It’s a croc.

I hear the river’s waters,
Beating against the rocks.
A logger comes to save me,
Away from the jaws of the croc.

I hear the river’s waters,
Beating against the rocks.
I can see the reflection of loggers.
And the dead carcass of the croc.

[Neo-Hunter]

Great poem, even though its old. btw did ya check out my newer ones.

[aoi_n_asul]

my all-time fave so far would be land of dreamy dreams. super sweet and light. untitled was a thinker, gritty and deep. 7y/o? 0_o no wonder you have a way with words...you started out young...nice job.. ^^

[Freya]

lol well, my Mother did help me...

anywho, idk if I posted this one or not (it was unhighlighted but I could have done it from school :sweatdrop ) but here's one

“Random Love”

Midnight, moonlit stroll
Crashing waves, lovers kiss
Driving fast, loose control

Like the waves
Back and fourth
Spelunking in caves
(random)

Running wild
Free as the wind
Let’s go have a child
(random)

On the sands
Where we first met
Crashing waves!
Holding hands.

Summer nights gone and done
Let’s look back,
Oh sweet childhood
Oh what fun!

I love you
Let us kiss
Like we did ‘neath the moon
On that night in late June.

Stormy seas
Is it rough ahead?
Hold me closer
Won’t you please?

Sail away to the rising sun,
Glowing red,
Our night here is finally done.

Leaving the beach
Shoes in hand
Kissing me gently on the cheek
Our toes caressing the damp, white sand.



Yeah its random, and in case I did post it before, here's a new one that idk what the hell it is. I called it free verse but I'm not so sure thats what it is >.<

(its just words hahahahaha)

Untitled Free Verse?

Fighting, cursing, crying
Intense, anger’s rising
Don’t yell at me!
I already know
Go away leave me be
**** you guys
I can say what I want
Who cares if you don’t like it?
You provoked it
GOD I KNOW ALREADY!
I’m not some damn monkey so stop repeating yourself.
I’ll get it done alright?
If your mad than leave.
I hate her!
I know! You suck!
Everything sucks…
I hate you.

[Spilled Milk]

Good. The last one is good. Very angry though...I feel bad you seem so angry all the time T-T. The land of dreamy dreams is a nice change of mood :) Its cute I like it.

[Freya]

Good. The last one is good. Very angry though...I feel bad you seem so angry all the time T-T. The land of dreamy dreams is a nice change of mood Its cute I like it.


thankies, and naw I'm not angry all the time, just when I fight with my parents which has been more often now but its getting better :sweatdrop :hyper: I'm happy though see my smile =) hehehehehe

Anywho yeah my friend Matt inspired the Land of Dreamy Dreams... haven't written anything new but knowing me I'll probably just double post in a few weeks with something new :sweat: (I really should write more)

erm well, I do have this... its a really really random story that doesn't really make sense and its just like light hearted and fun? idk whatever


Tigers jump from building to building, surfing over the tops of the metropolis. Their wings spread wide as they take to the sea. Roaring and tossing their great masses around in the raging river they propel themselves though with their gold wings; all except the little one. One of the tigers was smaller than the rest, he was white in color with black stripes, some of the people who saw him jumping from the roofs mistook him for the white Siberian tiger that had escaped the zoo but this was not him, this was a special tiger. His long, black wings looked awkward on his little body and he actually walked with a bit more weight on his right side and thus had a strange gate when not swimming though the waters. His home was Atlantis where he was the town drunk. He didn’t like his job but it was appointed to him at birth and everyday he was supposed to get pissed drunk even if he didn’t want to. His mother, the Queen of Scots reincarnated into a large hexagon, would poison his food with alcohol so he could fulfill his job and therefore earn an income from the Atlantian government. The little tiger didn’t want to be the town drunk though, so at the lean age of 24 he ran off with the Finch, and elite group of (possibly gay) male tigers who flew from universe to universe rescuing fellow tigers from zoos, laboratories and even the wild. They wanted to rid Earth of all tigers so maybe one day they could all live as one, as a brotherhood in Atlantis. The Finch we’re hard at work on Earth, with agents working all over the globe but they were also in alternate universes on plants similar to earth, such as Zorlab, Kinixix and Unjorb. Their main concern however, was Earth. It seems the race of Human was getting largely in the way and many had to be taken out. Thus, the Finch equipped with ray guns and chainsaws took out the human race and created all chaos in the years following the little tigers join to this elite group. Though this World War, the little Tiger grew, he grew and grew and grew some more into a mean fighting machine. He was still small in stature but his heart was big and his mind was gone. He was crazed and became the leader of the Finch. Upon his return to Atlantis with the remaining Finch, he was not greeted as a hero but rather a murderer. He could not figure out why they did not accept him, he had rescued all of the tigers of Earth and brought them to live in harmony with the rest of them, but he was still called to the throne of The Great. The Great was the king of Atlantis and was hardly ever seen by any Atlantian. He grew and lived on his own, no one really knew what he looked like, they believed him to be some type of shape-shifter that had started Atlantis but his origins were yet unknown. The Great called the little black-winged tiger to his side.
To the tiger The Great appeared as a large leaf with gold veins running though it. “Simon, Simon Cowbell!” his voice boomed though the large dome Simon had been called into.
“That is my name,” the tiger replied as he approached. The Great one wasn’t even planted or in a pot which confused and almost frustrated Simon. He wanted so badly to ask The Great questions of his origins and why he was here or why he was angry with him, but he held his tongue. Simon had heard that The Great could summon thunder from the sky to kill those he wanted too.
“Come hither,” the plant shook its great leaf at him, “You are here for judgment young one!”
“Sir, with all due respect, I was simply filling out your wishes. You told us, you told Finch that you wanted us to rescue all the tigers from the planets Zorlab, Kinixix and Unjorb but you wanted us to especially focus on the one named Earth. You also told us to do this by any means necessary. We did this and are now focusing on the other petty plants in the alternate universes sir.”
“Yes I know, but obviously I didn’t want you to kill all of human kind you oaf!” the voice knocked Simon down.
“Sir,” Simon growled and approached the plant more, “You never told us what not to do. You just said get the friggin tigers and we did. I am and should be in now way responsible for this.”
“You are crazed Drunk! You should never have run off and you should never have left your poor Mother to die here alone. It IS your fault she is dead and it is your fault we now are dying.”
“What the hell are you talking about?” Simon’s mother was in fact dead, but everyone else was fine. He felt guilty that his mother had died while he was away but he was a warrior and had to save the tigers and therefore suppressed the memories of her to all but shadows. “Sir, everyone is fine.” He got closer to the leaf.
“No they aren’t! You’re killing them all! Get away! Get out!” as Simon got closer he could see a slight being in the leaf. It was that of a skinny man with a long grey beard. His nose was long and pointed as were his feet. His arms and legs were lanky and awkwardly placed on his body. His shoulder’s we’re pointed like his yellowing teeth.
Simon smiled and simply said, “Got you old man!” Simon suddenly bit the leaf and gold “blood” spilled all over his body. The leaf shrieked out in pain and withered to a brown, ugly mess on the floor. The white tiger, now adorned with gold stripes smirked and nonchalantly walked from the dome to the awaiting city folk. “Everyone listen!” Simon bellowed, “The Great is dead! He was a fake. He was crazy and insane, accusing me, you’re rescuer that I had murdered and done wrong. Tell me now, have any of you seen me murder? Was I not protecting you from the humans?” The crowd loudly roared with pain, confusion and slight happiness. They loved Simon but also mourned the loss of their “great” leader. “He was nothing more than a mere plant my good tigers! He was a liar, a cheat and a hypocrite and he had to be dethroned!” The crowd cheered wildly and than they stopped at the weeping of one tiger, Annabelle.
“What is the matter my dear?” Simon smiled down at her.
“The Great was much better than you sir, and now that he’s gone, I’m sad. Who is going to lead us now?”
Simon held back his anger at the pink tiger, “My good lady, can you not see he has deceived you?”
“Are you sure you’re not the one who’s been deceived?” Annabelle suddenly jumped up and tiny blood red wings sprouted from her back. He lovely, soft face turned to an evil scowl and her golden eyes turned black with anger as she pounced and roared. “You are the imposter Simon Apocalypse Epirus Cowbell!” Annabelle’s voice seemed taken over by some other being, a greater being, a being that emitted power and control over all. Simon cowered in fear.
“Annabelle, what’s happened to you?” his ears went back and he slinked into the corner as a shadowed passed onto her face.

[Neo-Hunter]

It was very good.

[Freya]

It was very good.


.... mind elaborating? lol

[Neo-Hunter]

well I liked it great short story. the tigers leaping from building and all.but I've read all of your new ones and replied but not trying to be mean is that i gotten a couple of new ones haven't gotten repiled by you or sakito in a while so it kinda was some what irratating not in a bad way but you kinda know what i mean, *Hugs*

[Pachinko]

It was very intriguing & imaginative.

I enjoyed it; it reminded me of a movie I saw, a long time ago.

*nostalgia*

[aoi_n_asul]

His long, black wings looked awkward on his little body and he actually walked with a bit more weight on his right side and thus had a strange gait when not swimming through the waters.

“Sir,” Simon growled and approached the plant more, “You never told us what not to do. You just said get the friggin tigers and we did. I am and should be in no way responsible for this.”

“You are a crazed Drunk! You should never have ran off and you should never have left your poor Mother to die here alone. It IS your fault she is dead and it is your fault we now are dying.”

The lovely, soft face turned to an evil scowl and her golden eyes turned black with anger as she pounced and roared.

“Annabelle, what’s happened to you?” his ears went back and he slinked into the corner as a shadow passed onto her face.

Some spelling slips (please correct me if i am wrong). but i had a great time reading through it. one of your more light and funny stories. the introduction is really catchy but lost its rhythm just a tad bit as it continued. uniquely done!

[Freya]

Some spelling slips (please correct me if i am wrong). but i had a great time reading through it. one of your more light and funny stories. the introduction is really catchy but lost its rhythm just a tad bit as it continued. uniquely done!


hahahahaha yeah I read it to my Mother one night and she said the begining was really good and than it went bad... hmm well I have something, its a song I helped my bf finish for school hahahaha its really dumb (the bolded stuff is his and everything else is mine.)

Cats!
They drink lots of milk
Cats!
They're as soft as silk
Cats!
They love eating mice
Cats!
They're crawling with lice
Cats!
They piss in a box
Cats!
They’re related to fox
Cats!
They enjoy hard food
Cats!
They’ve got many moods
Cats!
They sing on the fence
Cats!
They are really dense
Cats!
They have five sharp claws
Cats!
They’ve four little paws
Cats!
They’ve a graceful tail
Cats!
Won’t fetch you the mail
Cats!
Weather new or old
Cats!
They are always bold
Cats!
They cheer me when blue
Cats!
I’ll always love you

[aoi_n_asul]

yeah, it's kinda dumb, but in a funny, unusual, mouth-dropping-open kinda way. that's cool. i read it twice, and by the second reading my eyes were popping in sync with Cats!

[Freya]

I tried to write an emo song! yayayayayay!

Its not good! yayayayaya!

Read anyways, I need work and help (JED!)

“Hold On” an emo song by me

Tie rocks tightly to my feet
And throw me in this water
Let’s see how far I can swim

Refrain: I’ll rescue you
Hold your head up a little longer
I’ll give you what breath I have left
Just hold on
(Hold on)

Sinking down a little more
Even with these weights I’ll try
Now I’ve hit the ocean floor.

Refrain: I’ll rescue you
Hold your head up a little longer
I’ll give you what breath I have left
Just hold on
(Hold on)

Bridge/Break down: I’m holding on
I’m saving my last breath just for you
I’m running out, I’m running low
I’m dying without you
(dying for you)

Ending: Hold on
Don’t let go
Hold on
Keep on swimming
Hold on
(hold on)
Hold on…  dragged out/held


anything in ( ) means its an echoing scream *laughs*

[Jedinator]

I enjoyed it! I thought it was good.

Only thing that I did not like was the chours's, they were a bit to short.

[Freya]

I enjoyed it! I thought it was good.

Only thing that I did not like was the chours's, they were a bit to short.


'Kay this next week at camp I'll try to work on it... I asked my brother (he's a sound engineer... sp?) if he would help me write music to it so yeah I'm excited.

[Neo-Hunter]

a famous singer at aa? thatwould be intresting. Its been a while since i posted but it all looks good.

[Freya]

LOOK! ITS A SONG! I know its been a while... I've acutally written two songs, but we'll start with this one.


The seas crashing waves
beating like my heart
pounding on the walls of my chest
Ican't believe that we're apart
come back to me babe
pull me from the cold harsh water
jump in and save me
Try a little harder

I wait
sinking for you
and I wait
my legs grow weary
I wait
treading water
I Wait
sharks pulling at my feet (*giggles* I love that line)

Throw me the damn rope
pull me to safty
drag me onto the goddamn boat
or else I'll do the dead man's float
don't you love me anymore?
See I've hit the ocean floor
My lungs fill with awater
you stand watching me die

I wait
for your soft hands
I wait
give me your breath
I wait
Please babe, save me
I wait
Eternally

I swam to save you
I can't bleieve that you tricked me
I just wanted you
now you stand over my dead body
kicking the last breath from me
I thought you love me
I thought you wanted me for life
I'm better off dead....
...than I was with you....

[animanic_critic]

Sounds like a Baywatch satire... you reading this, David Hasselhoff?

[Ashuri]

Good lyrics ^_^ Stupid boys kickin you when you're obviously down and makin you wait for 'em. oh well can't live with 'em, want live without 'em i guess

[Axon]

A regular Bob Dylan I see.

[Freya]

Good lyrics ^_^ Stupid boys kickin you when you're obviously down and makin you wait for 'em. oh well can't live with 'em, want live without 'em i guess


XD acutally I tend to write my songs from a boys point of view if you must know O.o idk I'm odd that way, it's just easier to write about a girl than it is a guy (hence EMO)

Okay, here's another one but I really dont' like it as much as the last one:


Wish me to your heaven
Save me from hell
Please won't you help me?
Don't you EVER tell... (rhyme whore <--- not a part of the song)

You promised you wouldn't
you said you'd stay by my side forever
you made that pact
but you broke our vow

wishe me back to heaven
deliever me from this hell
save me from this wretched place
Before I tell

I know your secrets
all your dity lies
help me escape
save my life

bring me back to heaven
take me from my hell
there's nothing I can do
no one I can tell

your the only one that knows
you are my only friend
my broken heart can mend
but I need a savior
save me
bring me out
take me
use me
delieve me from evil
I'm scared and naked apart from you
take me back into your arms...

Take me into heaven
remove me from my hell
your my only savior
the only one I can tell
... my lies too...


ohhhhh didn't see that one coming did you? XD jk, I wrote a poem too, but yeah we'll save that sadism for lata!

*heart* you all

~Freya~

[LadyYuina]

okay so i've been trying my hand at poetry of late and i sort of like this one, but please tell me how i can improve on it and what sounds good and what does't... i haven't edited this at all since i wrote it (normally i dont edit or redo my wrtings, but i've decided i want to with my poetry....) so here it is! (its the 8th poem i've written)

Poem #8: The boy

Write nothing of love, hate or dying
Just simply happiness with joy
Write not of sorrow and crying
Remember the good times little boy.

Tip up that chin and straighten that lip
Mommy’s here to hold comfort and squeeze
Yet down your cheeks the tears still drip
Mommy’s here “You’ll be okay… please?”

I carry you from the church
You’re still reaching for Daddy, but he’s gone
I trip and from my arms you lurch
I can’t fill that voice it’s for him you long.

I realize I can do nothing to help you
Except let you sit, cry and stare
The black suit you wear contrasts the crimson pew
It wasn’t just Daddy, I too care…

I’m just a helpless Mother
Trying her best to help her son
He’s lost his best friend, his buddy, his Father
His Daddy was just too sad and lone with a gun…

It’s not his fault, he’s just a boy
But he blames himself for it all
With his father he was always smiling and full of joy
No matter what Mommy does, it’s for him he’ll call

I’m sorry I’ve failed you son
But I’ll still try to be the best Mom
You can’t change what happened, it’s done
I plead for your tears to stop
But they keep bursting fourth as thought form a bomb.

Let’s move on my little love
We finally leave, hand in hand,
Happy know Daddy’s up above,
Shining down on us from that Golden land.

But they keep bursting fourth as thought form a bomb

I didn't understand that line, can you clarify that for me?

The flower fades fast
For winter is approaching
Beauty dies quickly.
(Sorry Phillip, it’s kind of the same as yours…)

The river is warm
Filled high with simplicity
This river is love.

Moo! Goes the big cow
Peep! Peep! Go the little chicks
Silent is the sloth

Laughter makes me smile
Smile like I do around you
I love you my boy

The flower dies fast (as my heart withers)
Like my love for you, Darling (just like my love for you boy,)
As my heart withers (our flower dies fast)

I really liked the sound of this one. ^_^

okay ya i know double posting... big whoop, that last thing sucked, and i'm really excited about this so here goes: its a short discriptive essay about nature and you may or maynot like it.... i just did it for fun! (its not poetry sorry)

“The Changing of Seasons”

The endless deep blue sky is interrupted by the rays of the sun. That dark blue utopia, lit by the moon and stars is backing away towards the horizon. The starts are dusted underneath the pale pink, yellow, grey and baby blue lights of the early morning. The crickets become hushed as the soft call of birds becomes more prevalent with each passing moment of early spring bliss. The long green grass, still intertwined with brown remnants of winter, glisten like an emerald sea as the dew begins to evaporate in the heat of the summer sun. The sun is high and the sky a soft blue, littered with random puffy clouds. The birds are tending to their young, the apples are coming in and the garden is growing. Flowers of so many different hues place us in awe of their beauty as we watch the bees lazily drone about them. The sky, now a crisp, clear blue with a fading sun begins to darken and a slight “nip” has entered the air. The beginning of the setting sun brings fourth a perfect fall eve to sit and enjoy the sheer beauty of nature. The trees are bare and the lawn full of leaves, the grass now hidden under a layer of brown, red and yellow leaves with the occasional orange scattered about. The crunch can be heard under the paws and hooves of the forest animals preparing for winter. The garden has been harvested, the flowers have withered and died and the birds have begun there long journey south. Some say fall is just the cold, ugly brown season, but I say it’s the season of sunsets as I suit, stunned by the vibrant pinks and yellows, fading into the deep clear blue of a starry winter night. The tired sun retreats to its home on the other side of the horizon as I turn to go back to my own resting place. My breath can be seen and my nose and cheeks are a rosy red as a smile spreads across my face. In my hand I held the first, perfect snowflake, followed by many others. As I neared my home the dull packing of fresh snow could be heard underfoot. The starts and moon lit my path and I felt as though I was in the middle of a field of diamonds. The fresh snow glittered in such a merry way it looked like each sparkle was dancing for the joyful man in the moon. I was sad to turn in for the night, I wanted to stay awake and see the changing of the seasons again.

I really like nature so I thought this was beautiful! You were very descriptive and creative with your use of language, you didn't use complicated words that may sound nice yet didn't fit in with the sentence as a whole. All in all, GREAT JOB!

Poem #15: Candy

The light surges through my body,
I feel totally weightless!
I’m filled with joy, my vision is now dotty,
No longer am I dateless.

I’ve found the love of my life,
He’s mine, he’s the one, I just know it!
I hope someday he makes me his wife,
When he’s near my hormones throw a fit.

He tastes so sweet, with his smooth, dark skin,
It’s so smooth, so milky,
I eat him for desert every night after din-din,
He can be white, dark or silky chocolate.

That’s right, my love is candy!
Reeses Pieces, M & M’s and Rollo’s,
Eating them makes me feel right out dandy!
Loosing them feels like a bad game of Marco Polo.

I don’t just have one sweet tooth,
I have many,
I love candy, but some say this passion is uncouth,
But I say screw it! As I feel another cavity.

Candy is my lover, my passion, MINE.
Just because I like it doesn’t mean I’m obese
It’s on the chocolates, taffies and caramel that I dine,
You better move out of my way if I want another piece!

Haha, this poem was cute. The beginning part of it completely threw me off as to what you were really implying on. At first I thought you were talking about a guy until I read further down till the end. XD

[Freya]

But they keep bursting fourth as thought form a bomb

I didn't understand that line, can you clarify that for me?


XD ahhh tucking fypo's!

it should be "forth as though from..."

and please, read some new stuff or something better than this poem hahahaha I really hated this line too >.>

Anyways, thank you for reading and I'm sorry for the typo's, I'm glad I could clear it up for you though.

[Emeraldas]

Okay, enough of the mindless praise, because it isn't helping you improve :P

I skimmed over a lot of poems in this thread and your biggest problem is your overuse of cliches. Almost everything you write employs some imagery, similie or description that one can find in Top 40 pop lyrics. From everything to rainbows and butterflies to blackness and drowning, your poems are often nothing but collections of phrases and words you've heard that have already described the concepts of your poems. There's nothing sinful about this-- it's every writer's first tendency and I too started out emulating song lyrics that I liked.

Try banning certain words from your poetry. If it's something you've heard before, don't use it. Forget words like "darkness, joy, bliss, tenderness, hope, drowning, deep, depression, ache, wings, trapped," etc. etc. If you read it somewhere and especially if you heard it in a song, forget about it-- chances are that it's something people have heard so many times that they no longer react. With poetry you want to jolt people out of themselves and make them look at something fresh. You can't do that by feeding them the same words and depictions they've been hearing for years.

That said, I did like a few of your non-serious poems because you allowed yourself to be more inventive and unconventional. I think my favorite was the one about the little oyster.

[LadyYuina]

Okay, enough of the mindless praise, because it isn't helping you improve :P

I skimmed over a lot of poems in this thread and your biggest problem is your overuse of cliches. Almost everything you write employs some imagery, similie or description that one can find in Top 40 pop lyrics. From everything to rainbows and butterflies to blackness and drowning, your poems are often nothing but collections of phrases and words you've heard that have already described the concepts of your poems. There's nothing sinful about this-- it's every writer's first tendency and I too started out emulating song lyrics that I liked.

Try banning certain words from your poetry. If it's something you've heard before, don't use it. Forget words like "darkness, joy, bliss, tenderness, hope, drowning, deep, depression, ache, wings, trapped," etc. etc. If you read it somewhere and especially if you heard it in a song, forget about it-- chances are that it's something people have heard so many times that they no longer react. With poetry you want to jolt people out of themselves and make them look at something fresh. You can't do that by feeding them the same words and depictions they've been hearing for years.

That said, I did like a few of your non-serious poems because you allowed yourself to be more inventive and unconventional. I think my favorite was the one about the little oyster.

Well, those are common words to use, but they make poems simple to understand for those who are not doing so well in the grammical structure category/understanding of words. But then again, I agree with you, most poems nowadays do sound alike by the repetitive edge people are so keen to lean towards. I, for one, don't write poerty because I know I suck. XD

[Emeraldas]

Well, those are common words to use, but they make poems simple to understand for those who are not doing so well in the grammical structure category/understanding of words. But then again, I agree with you, most poems nowadays do sound alike by the repetitive edge people are so keen to lean towards. I, for one, don't write poerty because I know I suck. XD

If your target audience is people who have a limited vocabulary, its still bad form to overuse cliches. And if you do write something that people don't "get" the first time, it's better to confuse them and make them think about your work than to not let them feel anything at all-- let the poem do what it wants to do, don't try to simplify it to reach the lowest common denominator. As I said, Freya's more light-hearted work is much better because she remains simple but also liberates her creativity a little more, for whatever reason.

[Freya]

Trust me, I'm very aware that I overuse some words and phrases too much and ideas.... that's why I hardly post in this thread anymore simply because I don't feel anything when I write anymore. Yes, I used "common" words but honestly at that time it was the best way I could discribe what I felt/was going through/whatever and to me they meant a lot (even though they all suck ass, they still have some sort of meaning to me.)

Anyways I don't get those feelings when I write anymore and thus I hardly write or am inspired to write poetry or songs or even Haiku's... to me every single idea I have I've either already done or has been used by someone else and I would feel as though I was robbing that person of their glory or whatever.

Ha, so baiscally I've stopped writing due to my creativity drying up.