do you need help!?!?!?the church is here to let you now!!

[otaku]

so my friend got this from his church and him and i were laughing at it seeing as we are the perkiest people of our friends and we are goths and need to seek help
so, do YOU need help?


Originally Posted by St. Mary's Church
Is Your Child a Goth? Presented by St. Mary's Church

Listed below are some warning signs to indicate if your child may have gone
astray from the Lord. Gothic (or Goth) is a very obscure and often
dangerous culture that young teenagers are prone to participating in. The
gothic culture leads young, susceptible minds into an imagined world of
evil, darkness, and violence. Please seek immediate attention through
counselling, prayer, and parental guidance to rid your child of Satan's
temptations if five or more of the following are applicable to your child.

-Frequently wears black clothing.
-Wears band and/or rock t-shirts.
-Wears excessive black eye makeup, lipstick or nail polish.
-Wears any odd silver jewellery or symbols.
-Shows an interest in piercings or tattoos.
-Listens to gothic or any other anti-social genres of music. (Marilyn
Manson claims to be the anti-Christ, and publicly speaks against the Lord.
Please discard any such albums IMMEDIATELY.)
-Associates with other people that dresses acts or speaks eccentrically.
-Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities, such as: the Bible,
prayer, church or sports.
-Shows an increasing interest in death, vampires, magic, the occult,
witchcraft or anything else that involves Satan.
-Takes drugs.
-Drinks alcohol.
-Is suicidal and/or depressed.
-Cuts, burns or partakes in any other method of self-mutilation.(This is a
Satanic ritual that uses pain to detract from the light of God and His
love. Please seek immediate attention for this at your local mental health
centre.)
-Complains of boredom.
-Sleeps too excessively or too little.
-Is excessively awake during the night.
-Demands an unusual amount of privacy.
-Spends large amounts of time alone.
-Requests time alone and quietness. (This is so that your child may speak
to evil sprits through meditation.)
-Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an adult.
-Disregards authority figures; teachers, priests, nuns and elders are but a
few examples of this.
-Misbehaves at school.
-Misbehaves at home.
-Eats excessively or too little.
-Eats Goth-related foods. Count Dracula cereal is an example of this.
-Drinks blood or expresses an interest in drinking blood. (Vampires believe
this is how to attain Satan. This act is very dangerous and should be
stopped immediately.)
-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources. (Ask your
local church for proper programs that your child may watch.)
-Plays videos games that contains violence or role-playing nature.
-Uses the Internet excessively and frequently makes time for the computer.
-Makes Satanic symbols and/or violently shakes head to music.
-Dances to music in a provocative or sexual manner.
-Expresses an interest in sex.
-Masturbates.
-Is homosexual and/or bisexual.
-Pursues dangerous cult religions. Such include: Satanism,
Scientology, Philosophy, Paganism, Wicca, Hinduism and Buddhism.
-Wears pins, stickers or anything else that contains these various phrases:
"I'm so gothic, I'm dead", "woe is me", "I'm a Goth".
-Claims to be a Goth.

If five or more of these apply to your child, please intervene immediately.
The gothic culture is dangerous and Satan thrives within it. If any of
these problems persist, enlist your child into your local mental health centre.

St. Mary's Catholic Church

[Roark]

I remember a snopes article about this one point back... I know it was originally a joke somehow... time to look for the link.

[Kaikyaku]

Apparently I need help. :p 5 or 6 of those applied to me. Yes I spend too much time on the Internet and sleep too little and I am excessivley awake at night.... I'm at university! Methinks this test is lacking.

Since when is Philosophy a dangerous cult religion :eyebrow:

[heffer]

I probably need help...

lets see,
-I sleep only 2 hours on week days and like 14 or 15 on weekends
-awake most of the night
-drinks
-my ear and eyebrow is pierced
-I only eat every other day (to cheap to buy food when I have other people to steal it from)
-Church? ha, what does the inside of a church even look like?

I think alot of people are going to have these (directly from the original post)

-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources. (Ask your
local church for proper programs that your child may watch.)
-Plays videos games that contains violence or role-playing nature.
-Uses the Internet excessively and frequently makes time for the computer.
-Expresses an interest in sex.

I thought I was a good person to...

[Lavi]

and i thought i was christian, at least i strive to live a good christian life. turns out i'm a goth, too.

-Eats Goth-related foods. Count Dracula cereal is an example of this.

damn, that really got me laughing. wtf??

even if this isnt a joke, i wouldnt worry one bit. i mean bs like this has always got soccer mom's and other paranoid people think and do crazy things, immediately filling up their minds with worse-case scenerios. wrestling, south park, and violent games has and still does make said people worry about the stupidest things. i'm not suprised one bit how people would think the same things about gothic stuff. i'm not goth and dont have any interest in being goth, but if people want to express themselves through "devil worship," by all means let them.

[PassiveObserver]

Cable tv and count chocula, the root of all evil...

[Ninja Realist]

Im probably about as far on the other end of the spectrum as possible. I wear brightly colored flannel shirts, and light blue jeans. I also listen to really cheerful music. Stuff like skulls and vampires gives me the heebie-jeebies.

That being said. Many of those items on the list apply to me(or most teenagers.) None of my friends get a decent amount of sleep for example. I also like tatoos.

[Dennis]

Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an adult.
Dances to music in a provocative or sexual manner.
I guess I cannot attend dances or go to the mall anymore. This ticks me off.
/me pours himself a bowl of Count Chocula

[Phelddagrif]

I must be satan. 92.5% of those apply to me.

I doubt Satan is a homosexual. Well, maybe on Thursdays.

[Ruthran]

You could replace that list with "Is a teenager". Seriously, I'd be more worried about someone who didn't rate for five or more on that list (ignoring such gems as self mutilation etc).

[Neo-Hunter]

This was strange next i think the church will do would be is your child an anime freak?

[otaku]

"complains of boredom" ----wow
"claims to be a goth"----that would be a good indecator

[Saya-biki]

Since when is sports wholesome? or the Bible?
And I never knew RPG's were EVIL! lol

"complains of boredom"-I'm sure the pope occaisonally said he bored too
"Cuts, burns or partakes in any other method of self-mutilation" how do you know they didn't hurt themself, by accident
"Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an adult"-this is pretty unreasonable

If I knew the people who wrote this they'd probably perform an exorcism on me
I ain't goth but I sure as hell do a lot of the stuff there
and if they met my sister, "THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU!"

[Mana]

Reminds me of Chick Tracts >>;

[Zirilan]

I must be satan. 92.5% of those apply to me.

I doubt Satan is a homosexual. Well, maybe on Thursdays.

Only 92.5%? Are you sure it's not more like 95%?

And of course Satan is a homosexual, homosexuality is "evil". [/sarcasm]

This is one of the dumbest things I have ever read. It pretty much labels every teenager a "Goth". That's the joke, but I find no humor in it. It just reminds me of people's, and the Church's ignorance.

[Phelddagrif]

Fine. But I'm still not a homosexual.

I will admit to eating Satanic cereals.

[Spilled Milk]

-Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an adult.
than every teenager in the world is gothic...
OMg this made me laugh soo hard.. I can't believe this..
-Wears pins, stickers or anything else that contains these various phrases:
"I'm so gothic, I'm dead", "woe is me", "I'm a Goth".
-Claims to be a Goth.
DUH!...and even then...most of those people aren't really goth anyway..

[Moe]

whoah.......

complains of boredom- i think if you dont get bored there is something wrong with you, unless you do something fun everysecond of your life.

interest in sex- yeah umm thats normal to me......

i check out about 10-12 of those things.....

[otaku]

Reminds me of Chick Tracts >>;

some guy was handing them out at Sakura Con, it was kinda uncomfortable since all these people are indulging in something they love and dress up and stuff....plus there wasthis guy dressed as jesus...

The joke notice from "St. Mary's Church"

um...my friend really did get this from his church...

[Akimichi Choji]

I think I have seen a list like this before but it was not as long, and funny.

[Ruthran]

This guy seems to have put in some effort trying to track down if this is true or not:
http://stnate.blogspot.com/2005/02/goths-lies-and-catholics.html

Undeterminate apparently, most versions claim the original is from a St Mary's in Colorado Springs - this (http://www.turnleft.com/places/colorado_springs.html) lovely sounding place. Although he claims there is no St Mary's Catholic Church in CS, only a Cathedral I found this:

ST. MARY'S CATHOLIC CHURCH
26 W. Kiowa
National Register 6/3/1982, 5EP.208

The construction of the church spanned the decade, from 1891 to 1902. Designed by the architectural firm of Pease and Barker, elements of Neo-Gothic design were used in conjunction with modern materials to meet contemporary needs.

Listed here (http://www.coloradohistory-oahp.org/programareas/register/1503/cty/ep.htm#colorado) .
Also the listed address for the Cathedral is 22 W Kiowa St, as opposed to the Church at 26 so it's a possibility that a real original was actually sent out.

And yes, I have too much time on my hands. I enjoy hunting down this sorta stuff :D

[shadowflamedx]

7 of these dont apply to me guess I'm really gothic? I always considered myself emoish but never gothic. Wait whats wrong with black and band shirts?

[Ritalin]

Most people in general aren't goth, and the ones that are don't say they are, something I've noticed. :p As far as I know this is a joke, since someone showed me this before... o_O

-Frequently wears black clothing.
-Wears band and/or rock t-shirts.
-Wears excessive black eye makeup, lipstick or nail polish.
-Wears any odd silver jewellery or symbols.
-Shows an interest in piercings or tattoos.
-Associates with other people that dresses acts or speaks eccentrically.
-Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities, such as: the Bible,
prayer, church or sports.
-Drinks alcohol.
-Complains of boredom.
-Sleeps too excessively or too little.
-Is excessively awake during the night.
-Demands an unusual amount of privacy.
-Spends large amounts of time alone.
-Requests time alone and quietness. (This is so that your child may speak
to evil sprits through meditation.)
-Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an adult.
-Disregards authority figures; teachers, priests, nuns and elders are but a
few examples of this.
-Eats excessively or too little.
-Eats Goth-related foods. Count Dracula cereal is an example of this.
-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources. (Ask your
local church for proper programs that your child may watch.)
-Plays videos games that contains violence or role-playing nature.
-Uses the Internet excessively and frequently makes time for the computer.
-Dances to music in a provocative or sexual manner.
-Expresses an interest in sex.
-Masturbates.
-Pursues dangerous cult religions. Such include: Satanism,
Scientology, Philosophy, Paganism, Wicca, Hinduism and Buddhism.


Those all apply to me. I'm such an evil bastard.

I fail to see how Philosophy is a religion, and how Hinduism and Buddhism are dangerous. Onoz ph34r the fat Buddha! :XD:

Most Cathedrals are gothic architecture too. :)

[Tyrdium]

Bah. You want amusing, yet real stuff? Take a look here (http://www.bju.edu/prospective/expect/). :D

*Wanders off to go work on his literature paper*

[Ninja Realist]

Bah. You want amusing, yet real stuff? Take a look here (http://www.bju.edu/prospective/expect/). :D

*Wanders off to go work on his literature paper*

Oh dear God that is awful.

[M.Baka]

Leave it to the Church to turn Teenage Angst into the seventh sign of the end of days. i do over half of that stuff. Please somebody take care of these over conservitive people. i'm thankful that i was brought up in a house hold that you could think, act, and do what you would like. And look at me now i'm no Satan influenced teen, i just like to piss people off. This is going to get out of hand, i'm done.

[animefreek_CM]

Bah. You want amusing, yet real stuff? Take a look here (http://www.bju.edu/prospective/expect/). :D

that's sad. did you read the dress code part? they can'twear Abercrombie because it's anti-Christ lol.

[TwinchaosX]

I hate churches

[Ruthran]

Bah. You want amusing, yet real stuff? Take a look here (http://www.bju.edu/prospective/expect/). :D

*Wanders off to go work on his literature paper*

Damn, are they allowed to do anything?

They have to sign out to go anywhere, can't drive without permission, can't drink OR serve alcohol, dance, gamble etc. All contact with the opposite sex is supervised. Can't watch movies or play games above 'G'.
Oh and apparently all music except classical and old-style christian is the devil :_insane:

I did notice however that they have firearm storage :scared:

[Lavi]

That school is somewhat notorious, especially after George W. Bush made a campaign speech there in 2000, if I remember correctly. Offhand, I can think of at least two things that would immediately alienate Bob Jones from the vast majority of Christianity: their ban on interracial dating and their ban on contemporary Christian musicians like Michael W. Smith (i mean, c'mon. he's got to be one of the most harmless Christian "rock" stars around!)

I don't like the general retardation at Bob Jones U. any more than anyone else. In fact, I probably take more offense at it than most people here because I can personally feel how such fringe groups hurt the reputation of the many good people who happen to be Christians and don't subscribe to such extreme views.

All of that is already obvious to some, but I'm afraid that some of the posts here and on other message boards show that too many people are only taking the lunatic fringe into consideration. Please don't over-generalize about Christians. That's just prejudice and ignorance. The folks at Bob Jones are making some wacky generalizations. If you lump most Christians together with them, then your reasoning is not much better than that of Bob Jones U.

amen to that. :smoker:

[currywu]

BJU. Pfft. That acronym is totally misleading.

[Ritalin]

BJU. Pfft. That acronym is totally misleading.


You noticed that too? I reminded me of
ORAL SEX ON YOU!
when I see the acronym... :D

I especially like the part about not allowing any games above an E rating, or any films above a G rating allowed on campus, but they are allowed to bring weapons and have them stored... :)

[tenchimasaki]

Gothic... looks like something that should be in the DSMs.

[Lavi]

I especially like the part about not allowing any games above an E rating, or any films above a G rating allowed on campus, but they are allowed to bring weapons and have them stored... :)

probably has something to do with how weapons should only be used for protection. movies and games often portray them as toys for badasses. just a guess.

[heffer]

probably has something to do with how weapons should only be used for protection. movies and games often portray them as toys for badasses. just a guess.
They are toys! The more dangerous a toy is, the more fun it is!

[I_am_I]

-Frequently wears black clothing.
-Listens to gothic or any other anti-social genres of music.
-Associates with other people that dresses acts or speaks eccentrically.
-Complains of boredom.
-Sleeps too excessively or too little.
-Demands an unusual amount of privacy.
-Spends large amounts of time alone.
-Requests time alone and quietness.
-Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an adult.
-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources.
-Plays videos games that contains violence or role-playing nature.
-Uses the Internet excessively and frequently makes time for the computer.
-Violently shakes head to music.
-Dances to music in a provocative or sexual manner.
-Pursues dangerous cult religions: Buddhism. (wtf? Buddhism? o.O)

I'm obviously an ubergoth. Phear my demonic wrath!

Seriously though, this stuff is so inane that it's funny, regardless of whether it's a joke or not.

[Admiral Ackbar]

I play D&D and thus worship Satan
'nuff said.

[KidKolt]

Oh well, it's not like I didn't know I was going to hell anyways. :p
"-Frequently wears black clothing.
-Wears band and/or rock t-shirts.
-Wears any odd silver jewellery or symbols.
-Shows an interest in piercings or tattoos.
-Listens to gothic or any other anti-social genres of music. (Marilyn
Manson claims to be the anti-Christ, and publicly speaks against the Lord.
Please discard any such albums IMMEDIATELY.)
-Associates with other people that dresses acts or speaks eccentrically.
-Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities, such as: the Bible,
prayer, church or sports.
-Takes drugs.
-Drinks alcohol.
-Complains of boredom.
-Sleeps too excessively or too little.
-Is excessively awake during the night.
-Demands an unusual amount of privacy.
-Spends large amounts of time alone.
-Requests time alone and quietness. (This is so that your child may speak
to evil sprits through meditation.)
-Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an adult.
-Disregards authority figures; teachers, priests, nuns and elders are but a
few examples of this.
-Misbehaves at school.
-Misbehaves at home.
-Eats excessively or too little.
-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources. (Ask your
local church for proper programs that your child may watch.)
-Plays videos games that contains violence or role-playing nature.
-Uses the Internet excessively and frequently makes time for the computer.
-Makes Satanic symbols and/or violently shakes head to music.
-Dances to music in a provocative or sexual manner.
-Expresses an interest in sex.
-Masturbates."

[bigal60]

hey they forgot football, its the deeeevvvilll

[Pedro The Hutt]

Now if the church would take some time out of their busy propaganda agenda to actually listen to some metal, they might discover it's not all that much of a hateful genre. And why, some goths are THE nicest people.

Mah well, their loss if they don't want to expand their horizons on that... and many other topics they blindly brand as taboos.

[bwing55543]

so my friend got this from his church and him and i were laughing at it seeing as we are the perkiest people of our friends and we are goths and need to seek help
so, do YOU need help?


Originally Posted by St. Mary's Church
Is Your Child a Goth? Presented by St. Mary's Church

Listed below are some warning signs to indicate if your child may have gone
astray from the Lord. Gothic (or Goth) is a very obscure and often
dangerous culture that young teenagers are prone to participating in. The
gothic culture leads young, susceptible minds into an imagined world of
evil, darkness, and violence. Please seek immediate attention through
counselling, prayer, and parental guidance to rid your child of Satan's
temptations if five or more of the following are applicable to your child.

-Frequently wears black clothing.
-Wears band and/or rock t-shirts.
-Wears excessive black eye makeup, lipstick or nail polish.
-Wears any odd silver jewellery or symbols.
-Shows an interest in piercings or tattoos.
-Listens to gothic or any other anti-social genres of music. (Marilyn
Manson claims to be the anti-Christ, and publicly speaks against the Lord.
Please discard any such albums IMMEDIATELY.)
-Associates with other people that dresses acts or speaks eccentrically.
-Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities, such as: the Bible,
prayer, church or sports.
-Shows an increasing interest in death, vampires, magic, the occult,
witchcraft or anything else that involves Satan.
-Takes drugs.
-Drinks alcohol.
-Is suicidal and/or depressed.
-Cuts, burns or partakes in any other method of self-mutilation.(This is a
Satanic ritual that uses pain to detract from the light of God and His
love. Please seek immediate attention for this at your local mental health
centre.)
-Complains of boredom.
-Sleeps too excessively or too little.
-Is excessively awake during the night.
-Demands an unusual amount of privacy.
-Spends large amounts of time alone.
-Requests time alone and quietness. (This is so that your child may speak
to evil sprits through meditation.)
-Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an adult.
-Disregards authority figures; teachers, priests, nuns and elders are but a
few examples of this.
-Misbehaves at school.
-Misbehaves at home.
-Eats excessively or too little.
-Eats Goth-related foods. Count Dracula cereal is an example of this.
-Drinks blood or expresses an interest in drinking blood. (Vampires believe
this is how to attain Satan. This act is very dangerous and should be
stopped immediately.)
-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources. (Ask your
local church for proper programs that your child may watch.)
-Plays videos games that contains violence or role-playing nature.
-Uses the Internet excessively and frequently makes time for the computer.
-Makes Satanic symbols and/or violently shakes head to music.
-Dances to music in a provocative or sexual manner.
-Expresses an interest in sex.
-Masturbates.
-Is homosexual and/or bisexual.
-Pursues dangerous cult religions. Such include: Satanism,
Scientology, Philosophy, Paganism, Wicca, Hinduism and Buddhism.
-Wears pins, stickers or anything else that contains these various phrases:
"I'm so gothic, I'm dead", "woe is me", "I'm a Goth".
-Claims to be a Goth.

If five or more of these apply to your child, please intervene immediately.
The gothic culture is dangerous and Satan thrives within it. If any of
these problems persist, enlist your child into your local mental health centre.

St. Mary's Catholic Church

1. I play violent video games.
2. I watch cable TV.
3. I use the Internet a lot, maybe excessively.
4. I wear quite a few bits of black clothing.
5. I eat a lot, maybe excessively too.

Guess what, I'm not Goth. By the way, my parents practice Hinduism which was around a lot longer than Christianity, and I'm fairly confident in that they don't need help from the Church given that they are quite well-to-do.

[mamimi_kawaii]

I guess I'm goth? since I lost count at like.... 34?
-Complains of boredom. Whaaaaaaat?
-Eats excessively or too little. Oh please. I inhale junk food.
-Eats Goth-related foods. Count Dracula cereal is an example of this. ...What about Boo-Berry?

Next they're going to say Halloween is a cult holiday. It probably is, but whatever. It's still my favourite holiday. Are pumpkins Satan Squash?
Satan Squash!

[soundchazer]

I guess I'm goth? since I lost count at like.... 34?
Whaaaaaaat?
Oh please. I inhale junk food.
...What about Boo-Berry?

Next they're going to say Halloween is a cult holiday. It probably is, but whatever. It's still my favourite holiday. Are pumpkins Satan Squash?
Satan Squash!

Actually, Halloween did start as a pagan holiday.

[Tyrdium]

Next they're going to say Halloween is a cult holiday. It probably is, but whatever. It's still my favourite holiday. Are pumpkins Satan Squash?Y (http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0058/0058_01.asp)-e (http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0032/0032_01.asp)-e (http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0063/0063_01.asp)-e (http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/1053/1053_01.asp)-s (http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0011/0011_01.asp)?

[soundchazer]

That person / cult or whatever it is has some really weird ideas...

"Does Jack Chick hate Catholics?

Quite the opposite. In the mid-1970's, when he first began to understand what Roman Catholicism really teaches, he knew it was unscriptural. He also knew that to speak out against it would be unpopular and hurt his publishing company.

After much prayer, he made the decision that, no matter what it cost him personally, he would publish the truth that Roman Catholicism is not Christian. He did it because he loves Catholics and wants them to be saved through faith in Jesus, not trusting in religious liturgy and sacraments. He paid a price for that decision in many ways, as priests and nuns entered Christian bookstores screaming and making a scene, demanding that the store owner not stock Chick tracts. Some "Christian" media have even refused to accept advertising from Chick Publications, fearing any "controversy" that might hurt their cash flow.

But God has been faithful (as He always is) and has protected Chick Publications over the years. Jack Chick has made it clear that if he had it to do over again, he wouldn't change a thing. The letters from so many Catholics who have read Chick's anti-Catholic material and have gotten saved carry one theme: "Thank you for loving us enough to tell us the truth!" Those precious people make it all worthwhile."

Seems like Jack Chick knows Jack Shit about religion. He even goes as far as saying that the Catholic Church help create Islam in order to squash rival Christian groups.

[Tyrdium]

Heh. I'm surprised you've never heard of Jack Chick or Chick Tracts, chazer. Read the rest of the tracts! They're great.

[Dennis]

Heh. I'm surprised you've never heard of Jack Chick or Chick Tracts, chazer. Read the rest of the tracts! They're great.

They can be conveniently found at train and bus stations around the nation.

[Sae]

Y (http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0058/0058_01.asp)-[url=http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/

That is the BIGGEST catholic prank I have seen in years!
Its like saying do this >>>>>:respect: Or you will eternally burn for being a rebel.

Sae-chan

[soundchazer]

They can be conveniently found at train and bus stations around the nation.

That's probably why I have not seen them before, as I have yet to travel by train or bus around this country.

[Dark Lord]

Wow... Why waste time making that entire list? They could have just simply said that all teenagers are goths... Seriously, that's a joke right? Because I found it stupid... But funny...

EDIT: Thanks a lot Trydium... If I have nightmares of going to hell everytime I fall asleep, I'll have you to thank... That was so creepy...

[Roark]

Actually, Halloween did start as a pagan holiday.
As did Christmas and Easter.

[soundchazer]

As did Christmas and Easter.

Early Christians were really pragmatic... take a Holiday that is very important in the are you are trying to convert, give it a Christian spin, and voila! you have tons of converts.

[Zelkiiro]

take a Holiday that is very important in the are you are trying to convert, give it a Christian spin, and voila! you have tons of converts.
Well, that and those things are celebratory occasions as well. They just needed convenient dates to celebrate them on...

"Y halo thar, Saturnalia!"